i choose my heart.

"love really doesn't means that you own a person, but you share everything about life with him."

i got this sentence from my friend's blog, siew mei. she writes lots of stuff that gives people hope and understanding in their lives. this sentence that i just read from her blog really wakes me up from where i am at in this thing called "LOVE". my meaning of this sentence is completely differrent than her meaning in this sentence. so, i'll just voice out my meaning on this.

i dont know how to put the words in my mind to this post. it's all so messed up. well, here it goes. i just realized i OWN him. you know what is it that i own? when it's about other girls. you could say i dont let him be friends with his ex. i know i'm cruel but that's just the way i am. when i bring up about this matter, saying myself so cruel, not letting him be friends with his ex, he will say, "No, it's not you. Is I also dont want to have anything to do with her anymore." I am always prejudice towards him. I get very jealous and accuse him of looking at other girls when i know he is not looking and he will not even look at them.. hahahaha.. how silly am i. maybe it's because of my previous relationships. i got so hurt by them and that thinking of "all guys are hamsap, they will never love you, they want to play with you only" affect me so deeply.

other than that, i share everything life has to offer with him. he will always want me to be with him wherever he goes. when he goes out with his friend, he would want me to come along when i said "you go enjoy with your friends ler". even when he goes for interviews, he would like me to accompany him. but definitely i'll be staying outside la.. same goes for me. whatever i do, i hope he'll be there with me. cos i dont want to experince good stuffs alone. how do i put this? it's like i dont want to miss him out because i want to experience everything with him. for the langkawi trip, most probably he wont be following and when i know he cant follow along, i feel like sad cos he wont be there to experience this great thing with me, having fun together and doing all the activities together.

whatever it is, all the negativites have to be gone forever in my life. i will change my perception about everything and will not think of him like any other gus cos he's just different. my mind keep repeating the bad things bout guys but my heart deeply knows he is totally different than any other. both of these clashing, and i want to choose my heart.